I still don't get it. Maybe it's easier in Dutch?

Mijn vriend dreef zijn auto vorige week - midden van de dag.
Hij wordt wat over getrokken voor ", weet ik wat" niet.
De ambtenaar van de vrouwenpolitie vraagt om de vergunning, de registratie en het bewijs van de bestuurder van verzekering.
Mijn vriend zegt "Why'd u me over?"
trekt Zij komt met de "Heer terug, u heeft gedronken?"
Hij zegt "waarom? Kijk ik als ik heb gedronken?"
 Zij zegt, en ik citeer, woord voor woord: "Uw linkeroog is bloeddoorlopen.".
 "Stap uit de auto." _
te maken het plotseling, hij niet en maken haar vraag een supervisor en hij verontschuldigen aan hem voor haar.

...................................

Then, Iwan retranslated the new story from Dutch back to English -

"While the apple is on the tree it grows and becomes sweeter, when it decides it is ripe, it falls from the tree and begins to rot."
(for when you find yourself in a disagreement with a person who has experienced a little and knows everything. The B-man and the I-man, for example)

Dysfunction: The only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you.

Cluelessness:| There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.

 Mistakes:  It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."
Catherine Aird

Problems:
No matter how great and destructive your problems seem now,
remember that you’ve probably only seen the tip of them.

Adversity:
That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

Lessons in Logic:

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate.
If your father-in-law is a poor man, it’s your stupidity.

I was born intelligent – education ruined me.

Practice makes perfect….but nobody’s perfect….so why practice?

We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
--Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
--George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
-- G. Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
--James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
--Douglas Casey, Classmate of W.J.Clinton at Georgetown U. (1992)

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
--P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
--Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:
If it moves, tax it.
If it keeps moving, regulate it.
And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-- Ronald Reagan (1986)

 I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
--Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.
--P.J. O'Rourke

If you want government to intervene domestically, you're a liberal.
If you want government to intervene overseas, you're a conservative.
If you want government to intervene everywhere, you're a moderate.
If you don't want government to intervene anywhere, you're an extremist.
--Joseph Sobran, Editor of the National Review at one time (1995)

In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
--Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you.
--Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
--Mark Twain (1866)
 

Talk is cheap-except when Congress does it.
--(Unknown)

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
--Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings.
The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
--Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
--Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
--Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress.
--Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-- Edward Langley, Artist 1928-1995

Passing this great "thinking" email...
 

I Can't Believe You Made It" !
 

If you lived as a child in the 40's, 50's, 60's or 70's.

Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have...

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Parents could even drive forward while leaning back and actually smacking a kid - really a neat trick -
Try that now!

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.
(Not to mention hitchhiking to town as a young kid!)

We drank water from the garden hose, from creeks that, no doubt contained Gardia organisms and didn't die. Horrors.
But we knew to not eat the food from street vendors in Tijuana -

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times we learned to solve the problem.
Even made ramps to launch our red wagons and tried to crash further down the hill than your SISTER!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day.

No cell phones.

Unthinkable. We played dodgeball and sometimes the ball would really hurt. We got cut and broke bones and broke teeth, and there were no law suits from these accidents.  They were accidents. No one was to blame, but us. Remember accidents?
We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

Remember throwing dirt clods against your neighbors wall because it was fun? Remember your mom and the next door neighbor watching as you washed and scrubbed the wall clean?

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda but we were never overweight...we were always outside playing. One time we shared one grape soda with four friends, from one bottle and no one died!.
 

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, video games at all, 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, Personal Computers, Internet chat rooms ... We had friends.
We went outside and found them. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rung the bell or just walked in and talked to them.
Imagine such a thing. Without asking a parent! By ourselves! Out there in the cold cruel world! Without a guardian.  How did we do it?

Remember getting yelled at in the store for messing with stuff you weren't getting?
Now? Divorced women with out of control kids ignore their own childrens' disrespect for other people and scream at anybody who would DARE to tell the little monster to stop it -

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did
the worms live inside us forever.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't, had to learn to deal with disappointment..... Some students weren't as smart as others so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.....Horrors. Tests were not adjusted for any reason.

God forbid if there was a person who would DARE to implement a competency test to graduate from school! Imagine how the badly the people who didn't pass will feel - It might even ruin their uneducated life!

Hiring people based on race, creed, color or sexual orientation? - and not by ability?
Think about that on the next flight you take - check out the pilot? Is he or she the best person for the job... or.... a... person of race, creed, color or sexual orientation government mandated "slot"........ 

Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected. No one to hide behind.
You "plays your game and takes your chances" -

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law, imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 200 years has been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all by making the best of it -

And you're one of them.

Congratulations!

Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.
 

I was a pilot flying an airplane and it just so happened that where I was flying made what I was doing spying. (Francis Gary Power, U-2 reconnaissance pilot held by the Soviets for spying, in an interview after he was returned to the US)

Patience Hell! - I'm gonna kill something! - (hungry buzzard)

Subject:  MAJOR U.S. RESEARCH UNIVERSITY DISCOVERS NEW ELEMENT!!
Date: Wed, 05 Sep 2001 14:02:17 -0700
From: Didier Malxxxxnt <dids@nxxxxxxxxg.com>
Organization: Nxxxxy Dxg Inc.
To: Philippe Malxxxxnt <pmalxxxxnt@aol.com>, Philixxe Lexxxxe <philixxe.lexxxxe@caxxxxxn.fr>

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major
U.S. research university.

The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons.
This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by
a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. 

However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than one second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.

Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere.
It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities.
 If can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and
can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being
made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

Thanks for letting me off a ticket for evading when my bike does not even have any fxcking gas in it.

They then made me get off the side walk and "escorted" me rolling down the rest of the hill to 7-11.

__________________________________________________
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Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail
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ONE OF AESOP'S LOST FABLES

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer
tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't
worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel
dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw.
With every shovel of dirt that
hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and
take a step up. Pretty soon,
everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge Of the well and trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to
shake it off and take a step up. 

Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
 never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

P.S.  The donkey later came back and kicked THE SHIT out of the
bastard that tried burying him.   So remember: When you try to
cover your ass, it always comes back to get you!!

"I LEARNED ABOUT FLYING FROM DAT"

It was a typical day in Oregon, Low ceilings with drizzle and about enough visibility to
see the radiator ornament as I drove toward our airport.

I had just soloed the day before and wasn't about to let the weather deter me from another
exciting experience at the controls of an airplane.  I admit that I was pretty proud of my
accomplishment, and had invited my next-door neighbor to ride with me.  I planned to fly
to a neighboring town about 200 miles away where I knew there was a good restaurant.

On the way to the airport, my neighbor, John Williams, expressed some worry about the trip.
"Don't worry about a thing", I reassured him, "I understand their hamburgers are excellent".
                                                                         
When we arrived at the field, the drizzle had turned to a hard steady rain.  This concerned
me a little, as I was wearing my brown and white shoes, and my mother had warned me about
getting them muddy.  We checked with the local operator and found that my regular airplane,
a Cessna 120, was down for repairs.

The operator was a good-hearted follow, though, and when he saw my disappointment he assigned
me another one, N3341P, which turned out to be a Piper Apache.

"It's practically the same as a 120", he told me when I discovered there was an extra engine.
"Just remember you have to pull the gear up."

After a pre-flight check of the airplane, I noticed the tail wheel was missing, but didn't say
anything for fear he would cancel the trip.  We climbed aboard and began looking for the
starter.

Just then the operator came running out to tell me there was a severe thunderstorm at my
destination and warned me to be careful.  I assured him I wasn't afraid of thunderstorms.

The takeoff was uneventful, but we did use what seemed to be a lot of runway for an airplane
with two engines. (I learned later, we had taken off downwind with the parking brake on.)

We climbed into a solid overcast at about 400 feet. This was a bad disappointment, as I knew
John would have been interested in the scenery.  The air was pretty smooth, though, and except
for the ice that kept forming over the windshield, there was little to see.

For a pilot with only six hours, I thought I handled the controls pretty smoothly, although,
for some reason things occasionally flew out of my pockets up to the roof.

John didn't seem to notice. In fact, he kept staring straight ahead with sort of a glassy
expression.  I guess he was afraid of the height, as some non-pilots are.

After about an hour, I began to be concerned over the fact I could not see anything.  It was
going to be difficult to spot other traffic around the airport at our destination, and I hoped
the other pilots would use a little good sense and keep a sharp eye in such bad weather.

It was obvious that I was going to have to get down lower, if I wanted to see anything. 
It was too bad that the altimeter was so unreliable. It kept winding and unwinding rapidly,
and I guessed that it hadn't been kept in good repair.

Anyway, following this plan I began to come down.  Just then the left engine quit. No warning,
nothing. It just quit.  John made a sort of gurgling noise then, and it was about the first
thing he had said since we left.   I explained that there was nothing to worry about, as we had
another engine that hadn't even been used yet!  So I started the right engine, and John must
have felt better after that, because he went to sleep.
                                                   
Well, pretty soon we did get down far enough, so that I could see the ground.  It was pretty
dark under the clouds, and if it weren't for the lightening flashes, it would have been hard
to find any good landmarks. Then I spotted a highway and remembered there was a highway near
the airport we were headed toward, so I followed it.

It was difficult to read the road signs in all that rain, and I had to stay pretty low. Several
cars ran off the road when we passed them, and I could say it was true about flying being a lot
safer than driving.

After awhile we did find the airport, but l had to fly around the tower a few times to make sure
it was the right one.  I didn't want to make a mistake and have everyone know I was a student
pilot.  They were very hospitable at the airport and flashed all kinds of colored lights as a
welcome.  So I landed and slid up to the parking area. (The operator should have mentioned that
you have to put the gear down -again.)  Everybody there was pretty excited.  It was easy to see
they had never seen a Piper Apache before. John was still sleeping soundly, and I had to have
help to carry him into the restaurant.

Well, I certainly learned about flying from that, and I want to pass on some good advice to
other student pilots.

Don't believe everything you hear--the food was terrible.

From: Rick Groszkiewicz

                        ONE-LINERS
  Here is some classic humor, which you've probably seen before...

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
   and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the
   bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
   section? "She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there
    is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
    it considered a hostage situation?

11. Is there another word for synonym?

12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an  endangered
    plant?

15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
    clean them?

18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
    remain silent?

22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

27. How is it possible to have a civil war?

28. If God dropped acid, would he see people?

29. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

30. If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?

31. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

32. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

33. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

34. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

35. Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?

36. If the "blackbox" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
    crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?

37. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

38. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he
    become disoriented?

When is @#$% Acceptable?  There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use.
 

p goh's
Quotations and Ideas That Inspire

mars

Shasta

CAP

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